Harry Potter and the RainbowRiffic Headmaster
by Fharoh
Summary: What happens when Harry goes back to school to see that everyone has gone insane, and he himself, being not to sane himself finds the year to be most enjoyable.


((A/N: I do not own ANY of the Harry Potter charaters, only their simple moment of cross insanity))  
  
((WARNING!: If you are scared of pink kittins, Orange beards, or green food... please press the 'back' button))  
  
Harry: *he looked at Dumbledore with his eyebrown raised* Was that...  
  
Ron: I think so...  
  
Hermione: What the...  
  
Harry: He died his beard ORANGE!!!  
  
Ron: It's not as bad as his hair...  
  
Hermione: No, I think yellow suits him...  
  
Harry: Let's just go to the sorting...   
  
*Hermione and Ron noded, as they watched the new rainbow-riffic Dumbledore walk away*  
  
* * *  
  
Dumbledore: May I have your attention! *he said while standing up*  
  
We allready had your attention! *some Slytherins replied*  
  
Dumbledore: Good, now on our first note, we need to tell you the 10th floor 9th corridor on the left right-hand side, is strictly out of bounds, for all that are alergic to birds. And, goes the same for right left-hand corrior on the 9th floor on the 3rd side.  
  
*Dumbldore got a sea full of dum-founded faces*  
  
Dumbledore: Now on to our futher note... the forest is strictly forbiddin to any of you. Because you will get trampled, bitin, cursed, jinxed, hexed, or any worse things than the above... most commenly death...   
  
*The sea dum-founded faced turned into a sea of pure horror.*  
  
McGonagall: *she taps her glass* Time for the sorting!   
  
*A group of first years came through, most looked terrifyed and where covered in green goop.*  
  
McGonagall: Abott, Hannah *she read from the list*  
  
*Everybody looked around at eachother.*   
  
McGonagall: *she double-checked her list* Oops... that was the list 6 years ago... *she shuffles threw the papers and finds the right one* Now... Avery, Ashley...  
  
* * *  
  
*Most of the students where asleep at the time, head on the table and a little bit of stray snore drool out of the corners of there mouths, what particulary cleaning the table.*  
  
McGonagall: And finally... Zenboni, Zoey! *Every cheered as she steped onto the stool, and got sorted into Ravenclaw*  
  
Dumbledore: May the feast begin!  
  
*Plates and pates of Mash and Oatmeal appeared, with the stry over cooked eggs and over thick pumpkin juice*  
  
*Every one's face turned into a face of disgust. Some where pointing at some Oatmeal which looked like it was stepped in.*  
  
Dumbldore: Now, now... not to worry, this isn't the REAL feast! *All the plates dissapeared and so did the food, you know... (you wouldn't eat it.. would you?) Plates and plates of the most delishius looking food on the house tables. But, they where all dyed according to thier house colours. (Poor, Poor Slytherin).*  
  
*Everyone look relived, but the Slytherins... (hehe)*  
  
* * *  
  
Harry: Interesting day it has been hasn't it Ron? *He said to Ron in the commonroom*  
  
*Ron just noded, barley able to keep his laughter in*  
  
Harry: What?  
  
Ron: Di-id y-ou see Mal... *snort* ..foy? *He starts to laugh*  
  
Harry: No...  
  
Ron: Dumbledo-ore dyed... *snort* hi-is hair... *snort* BLUE! *starts to laugh uncontrolably*  
  
Harry: *he grined widely* I like Dumbledore...  
  
Ron: Me too...  
  
* * *  
  
Harry: Why do we have to do MORE broom flying lessons! Like I need any!   
  
*Hootch came out with tons of brooms, many of which where vairus colours*  
  
Harry: HAS DUMBLEDORE GONE COLOUR BLIND! *he blurted out, Hooctch just stared at him*  
  
*There where a few bits of laughter here, and there...*  
  
Hootch: You have to take this up with Snape... I'm not teaching this class. HE is.  
  
*All the Ravenclaws gasp*  
  
*Snaped walked in with his 'Look-at-me-I-can-sneer-so-bow-in-my-presence' look.*  
  
*Everyone gasped again*  
  
Snape: Now mount your brooms...   
  
*They all gasp again*  
  
Snape: ...and lift off...  
  
*They gasp again*  
  
Snape: REALLY! 20 points from Griffindor!  
  
Harry: Uh... the Ravenclaws where gasping though!  
  
Snape: Who cares. 20 for your mear presence Potter!  
  
* * *  
  
*McGonagall walked in the class carrying some HUGE bag of Cinnomin buns, and coffee*  
  
*Everyone exchanged a 'What-the-Ruddy-Hell' Look, except McGonagall, who thought everything was normal*  
  
McGonagall: I want you each to turn at least 3 of these into crackers and missing slippers.  
  
*Nevill put up his hand*  
  
Nevill: Uhh... why are they called MISSING slippers if we MAKE them.  
  
McGonagall: 20 points form Slytherin... *all the Griffindors (And Huffelpuffs) cheered and they threw up their green hats*  
  
* * *   
  
Now... *said a highly annoying full-of-himself-gitish-voice* for this c-class... *the voice started to stutter* You'll NEED CONSTANT VIGALIANCE. So -hem hem- So please calm down... *snarl* Full moon isn't it?  
  
*The teacher came out whereing a turban, pink robe and long wavy brown hair.  
  
Harry: Oh My god! It's Professor Guilquirloy Maumbrin! *He faints along with eveyrone else*  
  
EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!  
  
Professor Guilquirloy Maumbrin: -hem hem- W-was it somthing I said? *grins* *growl*  
  
*He walks over and pokes Harry, Harry mumbles*  
  
*He pokes him harder*  
  
Harry: stop...  
  
*Still poking*  
  
Harry: Stop..  
  
*Poke* *poke* *poke*  
  
Harry: Stop!  
  
*Poke* *poooooookkkkkkkkkeeeeeee*   
  
Harry: STOP IT ALLREADY! *punch*  
  
Professor Guilquirloy Maumbrin: *cough, and little pink kittin tumbled out of his mouth.*  
  
Harry: What the?  
  
Kittin: RAWWWWWWWWWR! *grows wings and flys away.* Meeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww.  
  
Harry: *blink* *blink* Hey, that was fun! *punches Professor Guilquirloy Maumbrin again*  
  
Professor Guilquirloy Maumbrin: *cough, a tiny green Salamander pops out of his mouth*  
  
Salamaner: SQWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *runs around* ME NEEEEED COFFEEEEEE! *whoooooooooo*  
  
Harry: *backs out of the room... But punches Professor Guilquirloy Maumbrin once more for luck*   
  
Professor Guilquirloy Maumbrin: *cough* *A mini Fluffy came out of his mouth*  
  
Fluffy: *sings* Na Na Na Na Na LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *shatters Professor Guilquirloy Maumbrin teeth*  
  
* * *  
  
Hermione: So we need to...  
  
Ron: Yea... and...  
  
Harry: Oh yea! *hits self* and we need to...  
  
Hermione: Brilliant! But how about...  
  
Ron: Sure! But won't...  
  
Harry: Yea... He's right.  
  
Hermione, Ron, and Harry: LET'S DO IT! *claps hands together*  
  
*They sneak out of the Griffindor Commonroom, armed with pink feathers and Puppy dogs.*  
  
Harry: Okay, Hermione!   
  
*Hermione doges out of sight and starts to tickle the walls with the feathers and the puppys start to sniff around*  
  
*Ron pokes the floor and they fall down this sliding tunnel and lands ona 3 headed dog. Harry takes a key and shovces it in it's nose and walks threw the mirror to find that Hermione and Ron where held captive by gient chess pieces. Harry sighs and hits the dragon with a little golden egg and eats a stone. He runs threw a maze and rides a Blasted-ended skrewt on the way threw, trampiling the devil's snare. He falls off and gets hit by a bludger and brakes his arm and he coughs up a snitch. He throws the snitch and it turns into a broom and he mounts it. He flys up, then hits a wall, then he goes down... He gets hit by another bludger and the broom gets thrown into the Whomping Willow. He jumps in Ron's car and flys up ito the sky and pulls a star from the sky. He flys down into the forbiddin forest and he sqwished Aragog. He goes into the grave yard, runs Voldemort over, he falls off and a gient Canary attacks him*  
  
Canary: SWEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!  
  
Harry: Bless you... *holds up a tissue*  
  
Canary: Than'yoo... *blows nose* HEY! WAIT A MINUTE! *trys to squish Harry*   
  
Harry: EEEK! *runs*  
  
Canary: Great green globs of greasy grimy...  
  
Harry: Uh... *cocks eyebrow,*  
  
*Ol' Voldie gets up*  
  
Voldie: AVADA KADAVERA! *Bird dies and sqwishes Voldie*  
  
Harry: That went well... *dusts hands together, and blows wand like a gun*  
  
THE END.... (or is it? *Twilight zone music*) 


End file.
